About Chud Johnson News
"The B-Shift of Journalism" — Serving questionable content to first responders since we figured out how to use a camera.
The original CJN mobile unit (RIP 2019-2020)
Our Story
Chud Johnson News was founded in 2019 when Chud Johnson was removed from a fire scene for "asking too many questions" and "standing way too close to that hose line." Rather than take this as a sign to pursue literally any other career, Chud doubled down.
Armed with a camera that was definitely not stolen from a community college, a press pass printed at Kinko's, and an unwavering belief that the fire service needed its own satirical news outlet, CJN was born in the back of a 1994 Ford Econoline that smelled like regret and diesel fuel.
Today, CJN reaches dozens of readers across social media platforms, most of whom arrived by accident and stayed because they couldn't figure out how to unsubscribe. We've been called "the worst thing to happen to journalism" by people who take themselves too seriously, and we wear that badge with pride.
Our Mission
"To provide the public safety community with news that is technically not real, but emotionally very accurate."
Meet The "Team"
Chud Johnson
Founder, CEO, Janitor
Chud started his journalism career after being told he "asked too many questions" at every fire scene he visited as a civilian. He holds no journalism degrees, has no formal training, and has been escorted away from more incidents than he's covered. His credentials include a laminated card he made himself and an unwavering belief that he's doing important work.
"I'm not saying I'm the best journalist in emergency services. I'm saying no one else is crazy enough to try." — Chud
Petrina Martinez
Field Correspondent, Voice of Reason (Ignored)
Petrina joined CJN after a promising career in actual journalism that she describes as "soul-crushing in a different way." She brings legitimacy to our operations, which Chud undermines approximately every 47 seconds. She's the one telling Chud to "maybe step back from the active fire scene" and "please stop interviewing that goat."
"Every day I wake up and choose chaos. Then I come to work and there's more chaos waiting." — Petrina
The CJN Newsroom
Our state-of-the-art newsroom features:
- • Multiple monitors (one works)
- • A police scanner that picks up the neighbor's baby monitor
- • Coffee maker (OSHA has concerns)
- • A cat that wandered in and now runs HR
- • Several fire extinguishers (expired, ironic)
- • One (1) journalism textbook, unopened
CJN Headquarters (artist's generous interpretation)
Our Core Values
Dedication
We will stand uncomfortably close to emergency scenes until asked to leave, then stand slightly further away.
Integrity
We clearly label our content as satire, unlike some news organizations we could mention but won't because we can't afford lawyers.
Humor
If you can't laugh at this job, you'll cry. We choose to make everyone else laugh too. Or groan. Groaning counts.
Important Disclaimer
Chud Johnson News is a satirical publication. All stories are fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, departments, or persons is purely coincidental and honestly kind of impressive given how specific some of these stories are. We have nothing but respect for the first responders who risk their lives daily — we just also think they deserve something to laugh at during those 3 AM lift assists.