Local
Entire Suburban Street Blocked by Emergency Response to "Suspicious Odor"
Four-hour investigation reveals source was neighbor's experimental cooking.
3 months ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Maple Street residents were displaced for nearly four hours Tuesday when a massive emergency response descended on the neighborhood to investigate what a 911 caller described as "a smell that doesn't belong in nature."
"We had hazmat staged, the health department on standby, and three engine companies on scene," Chief Williams reported. "The caller was convinced it was a chemical leak. Some kind of toxic event."
After extensive air monitoring, protective entries, and what one firefighter described as "the longest sniff test in department history," the source was identified as 847 Maple Street, where resident Harold Jenkins was attempting to make kimchi for the first time.
"The recipe said to let it ferment," Jenkins explained, standing in his driveway in a bathrobe. "It didn't say anything about the National Guard showing up."
The fermented cabbage was determined to be non-toxic, though one hazmat technician described it as "aggressive" and "possibly too powerful for residential neighborhoods."
Jenkins has been asked to notify the fire department before attempting any future fermentation projects. He has also been banned from the neighborhood Facebook group.
"We had hazmat staged, the health department on standby, and three engine companies on scene," Chief Williams reported. "The caller was convinced it was a chemical leak. Some kind of toxic event."
After extensive air monitoring, protective entries, and what one firefighter described as "the longest sniff test in department history," the source was identified as 847 Maple Street, where resident Harold Jenkins was attempting to make kimchi for the first time.
"The recipe said to let it ferment," Jenkins explained, standing in his driveway in a bathrobe. "It didn't say anything about the National Guard showing up."
The fermented cabbage was determined to be non-toxic, though one hazmat technician described it as "aggressive" and "possibly too powerful for residential neighborhoods."
Jenkins has been asked to notify the fire department before attempting any future fermentation projects. He has also been banned from the neighborhood Facebook group.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.