News Archive

Nutella Nightmare: 900lb Man Sinks in Mud Pit, 50 Chiefs Mobilize Epic Extraction

Petrina here live from the scene of the gnarliest rescue since the great spaghetti incident of '22. A 900-pound gentleman mistook a mud pit for a giant vat of Nutella, requiring eight engines, two trucks, and a chief parade to haul him out.

Firefighter B-Shift Chief +1 more

Breaking • 1 week ago

C-Shift Sets New Standard for "Aggressive Fire Attack" by Ventilating Neighbor’s House and Parking on Supply Line

A routine suburban "can job" devolves into a masterclass on how to violate every SOP in the book while looking confident doing it.

Breaking Structure Fire Firefighter

Satire • 2 weeks ago

War Crimes Tribunal Storming Station 4 Over C-Shift's 'Hippity Hoppity' Lunch Heist

A simple fridge raid spirals into an international incident when C-Shift devours A-Shift's sacred meal prep, invoking ancient station bylaws. The Hague is en route as Chiefs deploy the big guns: extra paper towels.

Firefighter Station Life B-Shift +1 more

Breaking • 2 weeks ago

Four Lateral Transfers Hit Big FD: 'We Left Snoozetown for Real Calls!'

A quartet of wide-eyed laterals from Tinyville FD just landed at Metro Fire, boasting big skills from their sleepy old haunt. Spoiler: Their 'expertise' is turning heads—for all the wrong reasons.

Probie Station Life Firefighter +1 more