Mon, Dec 15, 2025
Chud Johnson News
CHUD JOHNSON NEWS The B-Shift of Journalism
Breaking
Semi Truck Fire on I-95: Cargo Revealed to Be 10,000 Cases of Energy Drinks | C-Shift Sets New Standard for "Aggressive Fire Attack" by Ventilating Neighbor’s House and Parking on Supply Line | BREAKING: Firefighter Discovers Thermal Imaging Camera Also Works on Cold Pizza | Hose Line Running Through Living Room "Temporary," Homeowner Assured | Entire Suburban Street Blocked by Emergency Response to "Suspicious Odor" | Chud Johnson News Van Gets Stuck in Mud During Live Report | EXCLUSIVE: B-Shift Claims They Actually Do Work, Provides No Evidence | Chud and Petrina Take Victory Lap After Award-Losing Broadcast | Semi Truck Fire on I-95: Cargo Revealed to Be 10,000 Cases of Energy Drinks | C-Shift Sets New Standard for "Aggressive Fire Attack" by Ventilating Neighbor’s House and Parking on Supply Line | BREAKING: Firefighter Discovers Thermal Imaging Camera Also Works on Cold Pizza | Hose Line Running Through Living Room "Temporary," Homeowner Assured | Entire Suburban Street Blocked by Emergency Response to "Suspicious Odor" | Chud Johnson News Van Gets Stuck in Mud During Live Report | EXCLUSIVE: B-Shift Claims They Actually Do Work, Provides No Evidence | Chud and Petrina Take Victory Lap After Award-Losing Broadcast |
COMING SOON

The CJN Merch Store

Official gear for the discerning first responder who wants their captain to ask questions.

CJN Merchandise Preview

Actual customer* wearing CJN gear

*Model may or may not be a paid actor. We'll never tell.

Our Amazon Store is Opening Soon!

We're putting the finishing touches on our merchandise empire. And by "empire" we mean "collection of stuff with our logo on it that we hope someone will buy."

Follow us on social media for the launch announcement!

What You'll Find

Tactical Hats

Perfect for leaving on your dashboard so everyone knows you have questionable taste in media.

T-Shirts

Guaranteed to start conversations like "What is Chud Johnson News?" and "Why are you like this?"

Hoodies & Sweatshirts

Cozy enough for those 3 AM standby calls. Questionable enough to make your chief ask questions.

Coffee Mugs

For drinking that station coffee that could strip paint. Now with 100% more sarcasm on the outside.

Cooking Aprons

For protecting your clothes while cooking station dinner. May or may not prevent B-Shift from eating all of it.

And More...

We're always cooking up new ways to separate you from your overtime pay. Stay tuned!

Get Notified When We Launch

Be the first to know when the store opens. Also get breaking fake news.

Chud's still figuring out how email works. In the meantime, follow us on Instagram or Facebook.