Local
Local Volunteer Fire Department Somehow Responds to Every Call
Scientists baffled by how 12 volunteers cover 24/7 response.
3 weeks ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
The Pine Ridge Volunteer Fire Department, consisting of just 12 members who all have full-time jobs, has achieved a 100% response rate for the past year, leading researchers to investigate possible violations of space-time.
"The math doesn't work," said logistics analyst Dr. Chen. "They have 12 people covering 168 hours per week. Some of these volunteers work night shifts. Some live 20 minutes away. And yet, every single call, they have a crew."
Chief Mike Henderson, who works days at the feed store and nights at the department, offered a simple explanation: "We make it work."
"My pager goes off, I go," said volunteer firefighter Sarah Williams, who somehow also coaches little league, works at the hospital, and has three kids. "Everyone here does. That's just what you do."
The department runs on an annual budget of approximately $47,000, which they raise through pancake breakfasts and "that one grant we got in 2019." Their apparatus includes an engine from 1987, a rescue truck held together by "mostly rust," and a brush truck that "runs when it feels like it."
"Paid departments wonder how we do it," Henderson said. "We wonder too, honestly. But the calls keep coming and we keep going."
"The math doesn't work," said logistics analyst Dr. Chen. "They have 12 people covering 168 hours per week. Some of these volunteers work night shifts. Some live 20 minutes away. And yet, every single call, they have a crew."
Chief Mike Henderson, who works days at the feed store and nights at the department, offered a simple explanation: "We make it work."
"My pager goes off, I go," said volunteer firefighter Sarah Williams, who somehow also coaches little league, works at the hospital, and has three kids. "Everyone here does. That's just what you do."
The department runs on an annual budget of approximately $47,000, which they raise through pancake breakfasts and "that one grant we got in 2019." Their apparatus includes an engine from 1987, a rescue truck held together by "mostly rust," and a brush truck that "runs when it feels like it."
"Paid departments wonder how we do it," Henderson said. "We wonder too, honestly. But the calls keep coming and we keep going."
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.