Local
Station Dog Promoted to Lieutenant After 7 Years of Dedicated Napping
Diesel the bulldog becomes highest-ranking canine in department history.
3 weeks ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
In a ceremony that drew more attendees than the Chief's retirement party, Station 7's beloved mascot Diesel has been officially promoted to the rank of Lieutenant after seven years of exemplary service.
"Diesel has shown incredible dedication to this department," Captain Rodriguez announced, as Diesel snored from his personalized fire helmet bed. "He's never missed a meal, never complained about overtime, and his ability to sleep through any alarm is honestly inspirational."
Diesel's service record includes 2,847 naps taken in apparatus bay, 1,203 instances of demanding belly rubs during morning briefings, and one incident where he allegedly "caught" a suspect by sitting on them until police arrived.
When asked about his new responsibilities, Lt. Diesel rolled over, passed gas audibly, and went back to sleep. "That's the kind of leadership we need around here," one firefighter commented.
Diesel will receive a $0 pay increase, all the treats he wants, and a slightly larger bed.
"Diesel has shown incredible dedication to this department," Captain Rodriguez announced, as Diesel snored from his personalized fire helmet bed. "He's never missed a meal, never complained about overtime, and his ability to sleep through any alarm is honestly inspirational."
Diesel's service record includes 2,847 naps taken in apparatus bay, 1,203 instances of demanding belly rubs during morning briefings, and one incident where he allegedly "caught" a suspect by sitting on them until police arrived.
When asked about his new responsibilities, Lt. Diesel rolled over, passed gas audibly, and went back to sleep. "That's the kind of leadership we need around here," one firefighter commented.
Diesel will receive a $0 pay increase, all the treats he wants, and a slightly larger bed.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.