National
Chud Johnson Interviews Fire Chief on Department Budget Crisis
In a hard-hitting exclusive, Chud gets to the bottom of where all those tax dollars actually go.
3 weeks ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
In a Chud Johnson News exclusive, our founder and chief correspondent Chud Johnson sat down with Fire Chief William "Big Bill" Patterson to discuss the department's ongoing budget concerns.
CHUD: Chief, the public wants to know - where is all the money going?
CHIEF: Well, Chud, firefighting equipment is extremely expensive. A single fire engine can cost upwards of—
CHUD: Is it true the department spent $4,000 on a new ice machine for Station 1?
CHIEF: That was a necessary quality of life improvement for our hardworking—
CHUD: And another $2,000 on matching recliners?
CHIEF: Those are load-bearing recliners, Chud. They're rated for firefighters in full turnout gear. It's a safety issue.
CHUD: The invoice says "La-Z-Boy Deluxe."
CHIEF: I have no further comment at this time.
The full interview will never air because Chief Patterson's lawyers have sent us several strongly worded letters.
CHUD: Chief, the public wants to know - where is all the money going?
CHIEF: Well, Chud, firefighting equipment is extremely expensive. A single fire engine can cost upwards of—
CHUD: Is it true the department spent $4,000 on a new ice machine for Station 1?
CHIEF: That was a necessary quality of life improvement for our hardworking—
CHUD: And another $2,000 on matching recliners?
CHIEF: Those are load-bearing recliners, Chud. They're rated for firefighters in full turnout gear. It's a safety issue.
CHUD: The invoice says "La-Z-Boy Deluxe."
CHIEF: I have no further comment at this time.
The full interview will never air because Chief Patterson's lawyers have sent us several strongly worded letters.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.