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BREAKING: Firefighter Discovers Thermal Imaging Camera Also Works on Cold Pizza
A stunning breakthrough in firehouse cuisine technology has rocked the emergency services world.
3 weeks ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
In what experts are calling 'the most significant advancement in firehouse technology since the recliner,' veteran firefighter Mike "Probie Forever" Henderson has discovered that the department's $8,000 thermal imaging camera can definitively locate the coldest slice of pizza in the station refrigerator.
"I was doing my morning equipment check when it hit me," Henderson explained, still visibly emotional. "Why are we only using this technology to find people in burning buildings when there's perfectly good leftover pizza going undetected?"
The discovery has sent shockwaves through fire departments nationwide, with many chiefs reportedly "concerned about the implications for equipment usage policies" while simultaneously asking Henderson to "maybe swing by the chief's office with that TIC around lunchtime."
Fire Marshal investigations are ongoing, though sources confirm the pizza in question was pepperoni and absolutely worth the $8,000 equipment deployment.
"I was doing my morning equipment check when it hit me," Henderson explained, still visibly emotional. "Why are we only using this technology to find people in burning buildings when there's perfectly good leftover pizza going undetected?"
The discovery has sent shockwaves through fire departments nationwide, with many chiefs reportedly "concerned about the implications for equipment usage policies" while simultaneously asking Henderson to "maybe swing by the chief's office with that TIC around lunchtime."
Fire Marshal investigations are ongoing, though sources confirm the pizza in question was pepperoni and absolutely worth the $8,000 equipment deployment.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.