Local
Every Warning Light on Dashboard Now Illuminated, Officer "Not Worried"
Vehicle apparently running on spite and municipal funding at this point.
1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Officer Chen's patrol vehicle has achieved what fleet maintenance is calling "a medical miracle" after every single warning indicator on the dashboard illuminated simultaneously, yet the vehicle continues to operate.
"Check engine, check transmission, check brakes, something about a door, and a light that I don't think came with the vehicle," Chen listed, reading from the dashboard like a pilot preparing for takeoff. "The car's been making a noise like a dying whale for six months. But it runs. Sort of."
Fleet Manager Tom Rodriguez confirmed that the vehicle, a 2009 Ford Crown Victoria with 340,000 miles, has been "scheduled for replacement" since 2016.
"Every time I submit the paperwork, something happens," Rodriguez explained. "Budget cuts, form revisions, the paperwork literally catching fire once. That car will outlive us all."
Officer Chen reports she's named the vehicle "Christine" and has begun leaving small offerings on the dashboard to "keep her happy." The check engine light blinks in what some witnesses describe as an "acknowledging" manner.
"Check engine, check transmission, check brakes, something about a door, and a light that I don't think came with the vehicle," Chen listed, reading from the dashboard like a pilot preparing for takeoff. "The car's been making a noise like a dying whale for six months. But it runs. Sort of."
Fleet Manager Tom Rodriguez confirmed that the vehicle, a 2009 Ford Crown Victoria with 340,000 miles, has been "scheduled for replacement" since 2016.
"Every time I submit the paperwork, something happens," Rodriguez explained. "Budget cuts, form revisions, the paperwork literally catching fire once. That car will outlive us all."
Officer Chen reports she's named the vehicle "Christine" and has begun leaving small offerings on the dashboard to "keep her happy." The check engine light blinks in what some witnesses describe as an "acknowledging" manner.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.