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Training Dummy Files Emotional Distress Lawsuit Against Fire Academy
Rescue Randy has reportedly "had enough" after 15 years of being dragged, dropped, and left in the rain.
3 weeks ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
In what legal experts are calling "the most unusual workplace complaint of the decade," a training dummy known as Rescue Randy has filed a formal grievance against the State Fire Academy, citing years of physical and emotional abuse.
"For 15 years, I've been dragged down stairs, thrown from windows, and left outside in the rain," Randy's statement reads (as transcribed by a sympathetic probie). "Do you know what it's like to be carried by six different recruits, all of whom are doing it wrong? I've seen things. Felt things. Mostly my joints popping out of socket."
The Academy's legal team has dismissed the claims, noting that Randy is "technically an inanimate object" and "does not have standing to sue." Randy's representation countered that he's "been standing for years, usually in uncomfortable positions in the burn building."
A GoFundMe for Randy's therapy bills has raised $47.
"For 15 years, I've been dragged down stairs, thrown from windows, and left outside in the rain," Randy's statement reads (as transcribed by a sympathetic probie). "Do you know what it's like to be carried by six different recruits, all of whom are doing it wrong? I've seen things. Felt things. Mostly my joints popping out of socket."
The Academy's legal team has dismissed the claims, noting that Randy is "technically an inanimate object" and "does not have standing to sue." Randy's representation countered that he's "been standing for years, usually in uncomfortable positions in the burn building."
A GoFundMe for Randy's therapy bills has raised $47.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.