Local
Firefighters React to CJN Coverage: "Please Stop Following Us"
Local crews issue formal request for "journalistic distance."
1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Members of Engine Company 7 have formally requested that Chud Johnson News maintain a "reasonable distance" during emergency operations, following an incident where correspondent Petrina Johnson was nearly run over by a ladder truck.
"We appreciate the coverage," Captain Morrison said diplomatically. "But there are zones for press. Those zones are not in the middle of our hose lay. Or behind the apparatus when we're backing up. Or between the engine and the fire."
The request comes after several incidents where CJN reporters were found in "unusual locations" during emergency responses, including inside a fire apparatus, on a roof that was supposed to be evacuated, and once in what appeared to be full turnout gear "borrowed" from an unlocked compartment.
"I thought I was a probie," one firefighter admitted. "She was helping with equipment. She seemed to know what she was doing. Turns out she was just researching a story."
CJN has responded by promising to "try harder" while making no specific commitments about staying out of apparatus compartments. "Access is access," Petrina stated. "Sometimes the best angle is the dangerous angle."
"We appreciate the coverage," Captain Morrison said diplomatically. "But there are zones for press. Those zones are not in the middle of our hose lay. Or behind the apparatus when we're backing up. Or between the engine and the fire."
The request comes after several incidents where CJN reporters were found in "unusual locations" during emergency responses, including inside a fire apparatus, on a roof that was supposed to be evacuated, and once in what appeared to be full turnout gear "borrowed" from an unlocked compartment.
"I thought I was a probie," one firefighter admitted. "She was helping with equipment. She seemed to know what she was doing. Turns out she was just researching a story."
CJN has responded by promising to "try harder" while making no specific commitments about staying out of apparatus compartments. "Access is access," Petrina stated. "Sometimes the best angle is the dangerous angle."
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.