National
European Water Rescue Techniques "Completely Unnecessary" Says American Firefighter
Petrina Johnson reports from abroad on international firefighting methods.
1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Reporting live from somewhere in Europe (we're not exactly sure where, the GPS stopped working), Chud Johnson News correspondent Petrina Johnson has been embedded with international fire rescue teams to compare techniques.
"These European firefighters have some interesting methods," Petrina reported while standing uncomfortably close to an active water rescue operation. "They use ropes and boats and all sorts of fancy equipment. Meanwhile, back home, Billy from Station 7 would just wade in there and grab the person."
The European rescue commander, whose name we couldn't pronounce or spell, seemed both impressed and concerned by American firefighting philosophy.
"They told me about something called a 'full send,'" the commander said through a translator. "We do not have this in our training manuals. It sounds very... brave? Possibly stupid? The translator is having difficulty with the nuance."
Petrina's full report will air whenever she figures out how to convert European video formats.
"These European firefighters have some interesting methods," Petrina reported while standing uncomfortably close to an active water rescue operation. "They use ropes and boats and all sorts of fancy equipment. Meanwhile, back home, Billy from Station 7 would just wade in there and grab the person."
The European rescue commander, whose name we couldn't pronounce or spell, seemed both impressed and concerned by American firefighting philosophy.
"They told me about something called a 'full send,'" the commander said through a translator. "We do not have this in our training manuals. It sounds very... brave? Possibly stupid? The translator is having difficulty with the nuance."
Petrina's full report will air whenever she figures out how to convert European video formats.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.