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BREAKING: Four-Alarm Response to Burnt Toast Deemed "Completely Justified"
Fire Chief defends massive deployment to apartment complex smoke detector activation.
3 weeks ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Fire Chief Patterson defended the department's response to a smoke detector activation at Sunset Apartments Tuesday, which eventually included four engine companies, two ladder trucks, a battalion chief, and the hazmat unit.
"When we got the call for 'heavy smoke in the building,' we prepared for the worst," Chief Patterson explained. "How were we supposed to know it was just Mrs. Henderson's toast again? This is the 47th time this year, by the way. Forty-seven times."
Responding crews found 83-year-old resident Mildred Henderson standing in her kitchen doorway, waving a dish towel at her smoke detector while two pieces of what witnesses described as "pure carbon" sat in her toaster.
"I like it well done," Mrs. Henderson told our reporter, seemingly unbothered by the 27 firefighters in her living room.
The department is now considering a dedicated unit specifically for Mrs. Henderson's apartment, consisting of one firefighter with a window fan and "a lot of patience."
"When we got the call for 'heavy smoke in the building,' we prepared for the worst," Chief Patterson explained. "How were we supposed to know it was just Mrs. Henderson's toast again? This is the 47th time this year, by the way. Forty-seven times."
Responding crews found 83-year-old resident Mildred Henderson standing in her kitchen doorway, waving a dish towel at her smoke detector while two pieces of what witnesses described as "pure carbon" sat in her toaster.
"I like it well done," Mrs. Henderson told our reporter, seemingly unbothered by the 27 firefighters in her living room.
The department is now considering a dedicated unit specifically for Mrs. Henderson's apartment, consisting of one firefighter with a window fan and "a lot of patience."
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.