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Vermont Church Fire Reveals 200-Year-Old Hidden Room, Contents Surprise Everyone

Firefighters discover space that doesn't appear on any church blueprints.

1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Vermont Church Fire Reveals 200-Year-Old Hidden Room, Contents Surprise Everyone
Chud Johnson News / Staff Photo
While fighting a structural fire at the historic First Congregational Church in rural Vermont, firefighters discovered a hidden room in the church's basement that doesn't appear on any known blueprints.

"We were doing overhaul and the floor gave way," reported Captain Chen. "Underneath was this stone room that looks like it's been sealed since the 1800s. There were... things in there."

The contents of the room include an extensive collection of what historians are calling "not typical church artifacts," including bottles of suspicious liquids, documents in "concerning" handwriting, and a portrait of someone the church has "no record of whatsoever."

"The church was built in 1823," said local historian Dr. Williams. "This room was clearly original construction. But there's no mention of it in any records. Someone went to great lengths to hide this space."

Church leadership has declined to comment, citing a need to "review the theological implications" of the discovery. The Historical Society has requested access; the church has requested "everyone calm down and forget about this."

The fire itself was caused by an electrical fault and is considered non-suspicious. The room is considerably more suspicious.
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Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.

CJ

Chud Johnson News Staff

The finest satirical journalism B-Shift has to offer. We report the news that definitely probably happened, sourced from firefighters who may or may not exist.