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Ohio Strip Mall Fire Investigation Reveals "Creative" Wiring in Five of Six Stores
Investigators amazed that fire didn't happen sooner.
1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
A fire investigation at a Columbus strip mall has revealed that five of the six businesses were operating with what Fire Marshal Rodriguez termed "electrical systems held together by optimism and prayer."
"We found extension cords running through walls," Rodriguez reported. "We found a junction box full of what I think was packing peanuts. One store had their entire electrical system running through a power strip plugged into another power strip, plugged into a power strip. It was power strips all the way down."
The fire, which destroyed the Quik-E-Mart and damaged the adjacent nail salon and pet store, apparently started when the accumulated code violations finally reached some kind of critical mass.
"The amazing thing is that the one store with proper wiring was the fireworks shop," Rodriguez continued. "The fireworks shop. They had up-to-code electrical, fire extinguishers, the whole deal. The insurance office next door was running their computers off a car battery."
Five business owners have been cited for various violations. One has fled the state. The fireworks shop owner has been commended for "probably saving the entire block."
"We found extension cords running through walls," Rodriguez reported. "We found a junction box full of what I think was packing peanuts. One store had their entire electrical system running through a power strip plugged into another power strip, plugged into a power strip. It was power strips all the way down."
The fire, which destroyed the Quik-E-Mart and damaged the adjacent nail salon and pet store, apparently started when the accumulated code violations finally reached some kind of critical mass.
"The amazing thing is that the one store with proper wiring was the fireworks shop," Rodriguez continued. "The fireworks shop. They had up-to-code electrical, fire extinguishers, the whole deal. The insurance office next door was running their computers off a car battery."
Five business owners have been cited for various violations. One has fled the state. The fireworks shop owner has been commended for "probably saving the entire block."
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.