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WATCH: Dispatcher Achieves Inner Peace After 10,000th Vague Location
911 operator reached enlightenment after caller describes location as "by the thing near the place."
4 months ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Veteran 911 dispatcher Linda "Zen Master" Thompson reportedly achieved complete spiritual enlightenment Tuesday evening after receiving her 10,000th call with directions consisting entirely of "you know, by the thing, near the place with the stuff."
"I asked for a cross street and they said 'the one with the stoplight,'" Thompson recounted, an ethereal calm washing over her features. "In that moment, I understood that addresses are merely an illusion. We are all just things near places."
Coworkers report that Thompson now answers every call with a serene smile, regardless of how many callers insist their location is "right by the old Johnson farm that burned down in '82."
The department has since enrolled all dispatchers in mandatory meditation classes, though early results show participants mostly just using the time to nap.
"I asked for a cross street and they said 'the one with the stoplight,'" Thompson recounted, an ethereal calm washing over her features. "In that moment, I understood that addresses are merely an illusion. We are all just things near places."
Coworkers report that Thompson now answers every call with a serene smile, regardless of how many callers insist their location is "right by the old Johnson farm that burned down in '82."
The department has since enrolled all dispatchers in mandatory meditation classes, though early results show participants mostly just using the time to nap.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.