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Patient With Paper Cut Arrives at ER Connected to All Available Monitors
EMTs explain they were "just being thorough" with the 47 electrodes.
10 months ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Emergency room staff at Memorial Hospital were momentarily concerned when an ambulance arrived with a patient connected to every monitoring device in the unit, including several that aren't typically used on conscious patients.
"The call came in as 'hemorrhage - finger,'" explained paramedic student Jenkins, who was driving. "We wanted to be prepared for anything."
The patient, 34-year-old office worker Sandra Mitchell, sustained a paper cut while opening an envelope. By the time she reached the ER, she was connected to a cardiac monitor, pulse oximeter, capnography, blood pressure cuff, and what the ER attending described as "genuinely unsure what that third thing is."
"They asked me about allergies, took a full medical history, and did a 12-lead," Mitchell said, a single Band-Aid now on her finger. "I just needed a bandage. I only called 911 because I couldn't find one."
The EMT students have been commended for their "thorough assessment" and gently reminded that paper cuts are not typically life-threatening.
"The call came in as 'hemorrhage - finger,'" explained paramedic student Jenkins, who was driving. "We wanted to be prepared for anything."
The patient, 34-year-old office worker Sandra Mitchell, sustained a paper cut while opening an envelope. By the time she reached the ER, she was connected to a cardiac monitor, pulse oximeter, capnography, blood pressure cuff, and what the ER attending described as "genuinely unsure what that third thing is."
"They asked me about allergies, took a full medical history, and did a 12-lead," Mitchell said, a single Band-Aid now on her finger. "I just needed a bandage. I only called 911 because I couldn't find one."
The EMT students have been commended for their "thorough assessment" and gently reminded that paper cuts are not typically life-threatening.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.