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Patient With Paper Cut Arrives at ER Connected to All Available Monitors
EMTs explain they were "just being thorough" with the 47 electrodes.
1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
Emergency room staff at Memorial Hospital were momentarily concerned when an ambulance arrived with a patient connected to every monitoring device in the unit, including several that aren't typically used on conscious patients.
"The call came in as 'hemorrhage - finger,'" explained paramedic student Jenkins, who was driving. "We wanted to be prepared for anything."
The patient, 34-year-old office worker Sandra Mitchell, sustained a paper cut while opening an envelope. By the time she reached the ER, she was connected to a cardiac monitor, pulse oximeter, capnography, blood pressure cuff, and what the ER attending described as "genuinely unsure what that third thing is."
"They asked me about allergies, took a full medical history, and did a 12-lead," Mitchell said, a single Band-Aid now on her finger. "I just needed a bandage. I only called 911 because I couldn't find one."
The EMT students have been commended for their "thorough assessment" and gently reminded that paper cuts are not typically life-threatening.
"The call came in as 'hemorrhage - finger,'" explained paramedic student Jenkins, who was driving. "We wanted to be prepared for anything."
The patient, 34-year-old office worker Sandra Mitchell, sustained a paper cut while opening an envelope. By the time she reached the ER, she was connected to a cardiac monitor, pulse oximeter, capnography, blood pressure cuff, and what the ER attending described as "genuinely unsure what that third thing is."
"They asked me about allergies, took a full medical history, and did a 12-lead," Mitchell said, a single Band-Aid now on her finger. "I just needed a bandage. I only called 911 because I couldn't find one."
The EMT students have been commended for their "thorough assessment" and gently reminded that paper cuts are not typically life-threatening.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.