Local
Stretcher Wheel Jams at Worst Possible Moment, Shocking No One
Paramedics engage in time-honored tradition of fighting with equipment.
1 month ago
Chud Johnson News Staff
In a scene that has played out an estimated 4.7 million times across American EMS, a stretcher wheel jammed at the exact moment paramedics needed it to work, specifically when patient, family, and bystanders were all watching.
"Every time," muttered paramedic Chen, performing the traditional ritual of violently shaking the stretcher while maintaining a professional smile. "It works fine in the bay. Works fine on flat ground. But the second we have an audience, this thing develops a personality."
The patient, a 67-year-old man with a sprained ankle, watched with mild concern as two trained medical professionals engaged in what appeared to be hand-to-hand combat with a wheeled cot.
"Is this... normal?" the patient asked.
"Sir, this stretcher cost more than my car," Chen responded. "And it has personally chosen to betray me today. This is extremely normal."
The patient was eventually loaded after a brief intermission for "percussive maintenance" and some creative profanity.
"Every time," muttered paramedic Chen, performing the traditional ritual of violently shaking the stretcher while maintaining a professional smile. "It works fine in the bay. Works fine on flat ground. But the second we have an audience, this thing develops a personality."
The patient, a 67-year-old man with a sprained ankle, watched with mild concern as two trained medical professionals engaged in what appeared to be hand-to-hand combat with a wheeled cot.
"Is this... normal?" the patient asked.
"Sir, this stretcher cost more than my car," Chen responded. "And it has personally chosen to betray me today. This is extremely normal."
The patient was eventually loaded after a brief intermission for "percussive maintenance" and some creative profanity.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. All content is fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is purely coincidental and hilarious.